"And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee." (Ezekiel 25:17 and also Samuel L. Jackson in "Pulp Fiction")

I was thinking about this quote after I had received what seemed to be a drunken voice message from Captain A-Wol on Tuesday morning. Based on what I could tell, he was definitely angry about something and it turned out to be the players on the opposing team. Somebody was giong to have to pay. Somebody was going to have vengeance rained down upon them. I suppose if I had had my phone turned on at the time, I could have answered it and dealt with in on Monday night when it happened. But when I finally played the message, there was Andy talking about how in the next edition of the Corbett report I was to be given "carte blanche". I could be as harsh as I wanted. I could use vulgarities if I was so inclined. Basically, this was my first opportunity to just let it all hang out in an uncensored knock-out drag-out column. Just so long as I ripped the other team in the process. My response to this challenge: "Bring it the fuck on!"

Okay, now that I got that out of the way, I know exactly what buttons to push in this article. I am going to play this baby like a friggin' accordion. I know there's a lot of tempers flaring after this last game, or maybe one temper flaring and everybody else going "there there", but since my job is to raise morale, I'll try to do the best I can to address these game issues in the only way I know how. The first issue has to deal with the JQS captain and his primary problem: bedwetting. You see, bedwetting is something that many children have to face throughout their difficult younger years. Some people, like the JQS captain, still have to deal with this problem well into their adulthood. Sometimes adult diapers are prescribed, sometimes towels are used, and in extreme cases entire bedsheets have been known to come into play. Either way, if anybody noticed wet spots around the playing area on Monday night, it was not due to rain water, as some might think. It was due to a diaper change that happened way too late.

The second issue has to deal with appropriate behavior for when somebody on the opposing team strikes out. I think my favorite thing about the Game Summary for this game was the quote:

"It’s one thing for someone to cheer the strike-out of a heavy hitter on the other team. Heck, any male batter for that matter. Cheering the strike-out of a female batter that can’t hit is like trying to rub it in to a guy with no legs that you are a better running [sic]. In the second with Rochelle at bat, Rochelle struck-out. This was followed by screams and cheers from a fielder in the JQS outfield. Trying to co-relate [sic] the strike-out of one of GD-A's most unskilled female batters to a strike-out of Manny Ramirez in the bottom of the ninth to win the ball game is uncalled for." Talk about damning somebody with faint praise. I nearly fell out of my seat on that one. The whole "you guys suck for laughing at our shitty batter" angle was just too much. Although it's still not cool. Funny, but not cool.

"Well, it's nothing a little beer can't cure." - Corbett (Special K.)

Does that make you happy Andy? Did I take care of business yet? Is there somebody else I'm supposed to go after? This guy was so mad that he opted out of the post-game handshake formality, only to be called a "little faggot". Well, it's nothing a little beer can't cure. Or a lot of beer. I prefer the latter. The pictures this week seemed to focus on beer being imbibed. *Sigh*. I wish I was there.

Well, loyal fans... be sure to tune in after the weekend for what will be the "Grand Finale" of the Corbett report. On tap is one hard-hitting article, some dancing bears, fireworks, and a striptease by yours truly! Well, everything except the stripping.... and the bears and fireworks.

Mike Corbett is a reporter for MLSB.com. This story was not subject to the approval of Major League Softball or its clubs.